The 'Shoulds' of Life

#52Essays2017
Week 8

When a couple dates for longer than a few years, they're asked when they are getting engaged. Once they are engaged, they're asked when they're getting married. Once they are married, they're then asked when they're having a baby. And believe it or not, once the first baby arrives, they're asked when will that baby have a sibling. I too, was guilty of asking those questions.

Those automatic, rote, habitual questions, are exactly that. Habitual. We ask them because in our minds, and in most cultures, it's the order of events in life. However, as innocent as these questions may seem, they shape minds, they set in stone a template, a scheduled plan that 'should' be followed. We find and date several significant others, time and time again, until 'the one' arrives. Once he/she comes into our lives, the pressure is on. We count down the days to engagement. The counting becomes even more intense after the engagement up until the wedding day. And then baby comes. And another, and maybe another. These human beings follow life's plan down to a T. 

Good for the ones that really envision their lives this way. Those who dream and truly know that that is what they want. 

But I am sure that there are many who think they want to walk down life's most common path, but really don't. Those who are influenced and pressured, and 'should' all over themselves given the examples set forth in their families, and constant questioning once they reach a certain age. Thus, they think they want what most want, but realize they actually don't later on in life. Those who rather live their lives traveling alone or with someone else, or simply love their solitude, enough to not want to have another human being next to them 24/7. Some are strong and true to themselves, and know early on they don't fit in the popular cookie cutter. Others realize a little later that they went down a path that has been paved over and over again, and decide that it's time to change routes. 

My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years. 2 years out of the 13, married. Given the pattern of events in my life, the next step would be kids. However, we have recently realized that children is not something we see in our future. At least not at the moment. Both our parents want grandchildren. We are asked time and time again when kids will come. The famous questions, that put little pressure to those who have an expected and adequate answer, but somewhat annoying to those, like us, who answer differently, leaving the other party a bit baffled with little to say. 

So given the stage in which we're in, should we have children? in the eyes of the world, yes, in our eyes, no. We shouldn't do anything we don't want to do, regardless of the pressure, regardless of the set-in stone life patterns. I've never been good with routine, normalcy, and typical. I am recently starting to embrace that side of me, and discovering and/or creating myself in ways I hadn't before. And I'm lucky to have someone by my side who accepts that about me, and is learning that he too, can see beyond the normal. 

Will we have kids? Maybe one day. And when, and if, that day comes, it will be because in my heart that is exactly what I want.