Week 7
I get easily inspired by life's happenings and my surroundings. A beautiful photo, a quote, a movie, nature, songs, the taste of apple pie. Whenever my senses capture beauty, my heart responds with overwhelming fluttery palpitations, my mind goes a little wild, and I even get teary-eyed. Today morning I was inspired by a blog post. The author wrote a letter to her 22 year old self. As I read, I remembered I did this two years ago. However, mine was a tad different; I wrote a letter to my future self. I asked my future self questions. I told her I was doing as much as I could now to be where we wanted to be in the future.
I put into writing, in the form of a letter, where I was at that moment in time, and the promises I intended to keep, and still do, for a bright future for me.
Given that I've written a letter to myself in the future, and constantly write to myself in the present, I think it's only fair to not abandon the 18 year old girl that would have loved to read a letter that gave her the pep-talks and advice she lacked. She would have appreciated it so much.
Dear Angie,
How are you dreamy girl? I am writing to you with the irrational wish of rewinding 10 years, and seeing you from a corner in your room opening this letter while you sit on your desk working on a ridiculous college paper, instead of using your dexterous fingers and artistic mind to create something beautiful, which is what you really want to do. Seeing you read it, and cry, and laugh, and feel a sense of relief that you're not that crazy. That your heart and mind are not faulty. You're just a little different, and normalcy isn't your thing. But different is beautiful, and you'll be ok.
How are you liking your boring forensic psychology classes? I kid. I kid. I know you don't find them too boring. But deep down you know it isn't for you.
You'll change your major two more times. And even go to grad school, and have a career you'll be very proud of. But the pride won't suffice. Because, it's not your heart's calling. Throughout these robotic years, you'll also have moments of crazy happiness and beautiful, impulsive mistakes. Hold them close. You'll do what makes your parents proud. You'll do what you think is right. You won't have time to create. You'll desert art. I know. I'm ashamed of it too. You'll continue to live for others. To put others' happiness before yours. And because of that, you'll hurt. You'll put yourself in second place, time and time again. You'll abandon you. Us.
The neglect will be so extreme that years later you'll wake up one day and like a bucket of ice-cold water thrown at you, you'll shiver and gasp for air when you realize you don't know who you are, and the life you are creating for yourself is not the one you want. It isn't YOU.
But you'll be ok. You will figure it out. Trust me, that confusion and feeling of helplessness will be the best thing that will ever happen to you. You will cry for hours, and days, and be confused out of your mind. I wish I could be there to console you. To hug and wipe the tears of the younger me. But I won't. I do promise you'll get out of it. You'll get back on your feet and like a warrior, a tiny, 5 foot 1 inch warrior, with a strong, wild and deep heart you'll start listening to it.
You'll listen to the beatings of your heart and will have conversations with it. Listen to what it tells you, it will introduce you to the depths of your soul. There will be painful moments, not because you won't like who you truly are. We love her. You'll feel pain and discomfort, because the journey can get bumpy, as you've never been here before. You will feel like you wasted so much time, so how will you ever get to where you want be? But you will. I am still working on it now, and trust me, we're getting far.
You'll be ok, Ang. Trust yourself. Love yourself. Hug yourself. Give your soul all that it asks for. We deserve it.
See you in 10 years :)
Love,
Angie
No comments:
Post a Comment