The Onion Journey

#52Essays2017
Week 6


Ever since I started focusing on myself, I've reintroduced myself, to myself, quite a few times. "Oh hey, writer Angie!" "Well hello photographer Angie!" "hmmm, nice to meet you dreamer AND doer Angie" "Hey there, not so shy, pretty extrovert Angie" "How you doin' adventurous Angie?" and it goes on.

At first, I thought, 'I'm becoming all these things that I love'. But now I know, I'm unbecoming everything I was not, and freeing who I've always been. It's like I am onion who stuck its little hand out somehow and started peeling away. Peeling away layers of crunchy, non-edible, stubborn onion scales. Reaching the inside fleshy layers that are fresh and true.

The peeling of this onion will never end. I am sure of that. I think I will never fully and completely know myself, my capabilities, my talents, my passions, my likes and dislikes. As long as I'm living, I will grow more and more layers. But these layers will be true to me. These are onion layers that produce no tears, as they are not bitter. Quite the contrary, they're the ones that are good for everything in life. Good enough to give the best guacamole a touch of magic. And good guac is good for the soul. That's the type of onion I am turning out to be.

Why are we not taught to discover who we are? To learn who we are, and BE just that. I mean, no one does that better than ourselves right? Instead we are told what to do, how to do it, what to think, who to be. We are clothed in scaly, heavy, undesirable onion layers from early on.
It is so early on in life that we are given a mold and are pushed, shoved and squeezed into it, that we grow up thinking that that's who we are. Some get lucky to have been given a mold close enough in size and form to who they truly are, and so shoving into it wasn't so difficult. Therefore living in their given mold is bearable, happy even. But others, most I dare to say, are so tightly and painfully squeezed in, that life somehow, some time, kicks you hard enough to liberate you. But we are then left in a limbo trying to figure ourselves out.

Now, that's when I come in to tell you, it's ok. You weren't taught how to do it. Don't beat yourself up for it. Be glad that life is giving you the opportunity to create your own template. Or if the onion analogy suits you best, then life is giving you a thin and long arm that will stick out of your onion and start peeling away.

You will feel lost. Confused. Lonely. Perhaps even angry, thinking you at least had your life figured out before. But having your life figured out when the person living your life is not truly you, is bland, is fake, is not real. So go ahead, do some conscious and voluntary peeling, before life forces you into the journey.

This onion journey does not have a definitive destination, because you are so much more complex than you think. But I promise you, you'll never go on a journey quite like this one. Ever.