What I Learned From My Solitude

#52Essays2017
Week 19

A couple years ago when I thought I needed company the most to stay distracted and keep my mind from taking control, I read somewhere that solitude is the best company. I fortunately, or unfortunately for me back then, don't work over the summer, so alone time is all I would have. It took some time to put it into practice as it terrified me to feel lonely.  But loneliness is forced solitude, instead, I made the decision to be with myself, and see what came from it. The first few moments of solitude were difficult, but I didn't give in and gave it a chance.

I learned 5 things from my solitude:

1. I learned how fun my own company is
The more time I spent alone, the more I started to enjoy my own company and dates with myself. I watched movies I wanted to watch without having to compromise with others and their choices. I bought the junk food of my preference and had those replace main meals. I did whatever I wanted to do at the time I wanted to do it. I had so much fun being alone that I found myself canceling on friends and making excuses, only to continue to have fun with ME.

2. I learned a few things about me I did not know
Growth is never ending. Becoming better at we do is so necessary. But during my time of constant solitude, I discovered new things about me. I discovered new passions. I wrote in my journal more than usual. I wrote everyday. Entries were not only about me and my feelings, but I wrote poems and stories, and long essays. I paired my photos with writing. I also traveled more and loved every ounce of fresh beach and river water, grandiose waterfalls, majestic mountains, trails, and foreign cities. I discovered yoga, meditation, and Buddhism, a love for their meaning and what they stand for. I was unraveling in front of own eyes.

3. I learned to take the reins of my own thoughts
First thing every morning I meditated. I lit up candles and jasmine incense, gathered crystals in front of me, and sat on my cushion in front of my altar. Meditation taught me to clear my head. To focus on my breathing or on a mantra throughout. It taught me to focus on the now. I practiced gratitude, mindfulness, and positive thinking. I wasn't stressing over pushing my thoughts away anymore. I was letting them flow freely for a few minutes, and then replacing those thoughts with positive ones. My thoughts became brighter and lighter. Instead of focusing on the negative, I focused on gratitude. I was suddenly thankful for the hardships, because I would not have been in the path I was in had they not existed. And I would not have been so aware of my thoughts and changing them had I not embraced my time alone to do so.

4. I learned to focus on ME
My time alone led me to not only appreciate it, but also prioritize it. Me and my time became number 1. Suddenly my family and their issues weren't more important than me and mine.

5. I had time to create
Art has always been a big part of me; however, my life became all about the 'important' things, and wrongfully art did not fall in that category, thus it was placed last. Once I started spending time alone, I started sketching, clay sculpting, writing, and photographing incessantly. The more I did all of this, the more creative I was becoming. I thought day and night about all the clay sculptures I wanted to do, all the cartoons I wanted to draw, all the words that had to be written, and all the dogs and places I wanted to photograph. My creative juices were flowing 24/7 without effort.

Time and Me, was all I had for two entire months two years ago, and every summer ever since. There were moments I didn't know what to do with myself, but I learned that boredom is good. Boredom led to the best dates with myself, the most intricate drawings, most amazing photographs, heartfelt essays, and mindful walks. There were moments I cried, but they were revealing tears. I learned so much about myself and loved every inch of me throughout the process.

Every summer I have all the time in the world for me. I am lucky and grateful to have those two months every year. And because I appreciate and love my solitude so much, outside of those two months, I make sure to make time for me to have fun, to discover, to learn the depths of my thoughts, to focus on me, and create.